A mother of a day

“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.”

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I’ve let my anger build and I need to let it go. I’d been so angry with my mom this week that the thought of having see her this weekend made me feel ill. I managed to avoid seeing her yesterday and was surprised on just how clueless or heartless she is when I did see her.  I lost all my nerve for a screaming match, knowing as long as she played dumb I’d just be the rude, mean daughter.   Even worse if she really didn’t know what she did wrong.

But I tried. She’s seemed depressed and I know how that’s turned out. I needed to try harder to befriend her, forcing her to chit chat like normal people do every other week wasn’t enough.

I’m still waiting for her to ‘get back to me’ on that mother daughter time I tried to plan. Though I shouldn’t have waited as long as I did, I’m glad I didn’t sit alone and stew on my day off.

It’s not really normal for us to spend time alone, I could think of twice in 9 years.  Once when my dad made me take her out and the other was to the grocery.  So it’s not the end of the world as it felt for a while, there’s just a part of me that wishes for a different ending once in a while. 

I won’t be there like usual in two weeks and she probably won’t come to Relay again.  In a months time, we’ll be back to our regular  routine of ’stalk and small talk’  where I follow her around with whatever she’s doing (and not just because I don’t want to do chores).   By then all should be right in our world.