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Category Archives: Family

Nazi mom.

I’ve earned a nickname of Eva Braun from a friend, after the well known Nazi bride.  Today I wear it with pride today *sigh* though usually it makes me laugh so hard as it’s so not me (unless by comparison).

Definitely one of those days I will be the bad guy ’til dark, sending a kid to bed without dinner (unless he eats what was made *eye roll*) and so on.  One of those days I’d like to say “wait ’til your father gets home” but well we’ll be waiting a long a** time!  God bless the moms that do this with a whole troupe of kids.

But as a bit of reassurance in my Eva methods, B’s friend who he says “doesn’t have a mother” (rather she doesn’t live with them) doesn’t seem to ever want to leave – I can’t be so bad

 
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Posted by on September 29, 2010 in Family, Personal

 

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Junebugs

The irony of spending Father’s Day with Matt’s family wasn’t lost on me.  Especially when he called as we were sitting around visiting.  High fives for not forgetting your dad though.  The power of mother’s intuition is strong as just when I was going to holler for Braiden to get the ringing phone that no one could get to I froze, knowing exactly who it would be.  Freak out on my part averted heh.  He did not however, want to speak to B – due to calling from work (double five).  I would’ve suggested that over my dead body but his mom is a kind soul.  Really believing previous conversations and “what should I say”s as fact not fantasy.  It is always heartbreaking to see her deflated by this stuff – I’d rather talk about colonoscopies but I know she needs to and I guess with me because I’ll understand.  They all do, apparently the statute of limitations on me not being able to utter his name has ran out and it’s a free for all to discuss with me.  Sure I do understand without you having to “explain”, but I don’t want to remember, y’all.

But I digress…It was a really wonderful weekend, spent with all our family really with several different functions.  Little MK had no trouble digging into her gifts at her 2nd party, what a girl!  She gave both her brother and grandpa (neat freaks) a fit digging into her cake – up the nose and all.  No asking for a fork like her brother!

Ending such a busy weekend sitting outside on the back steps watching the kids run and play (and scrape the knees, be covered in grass stains…) was a perfect cap.  Why can’t they all be like that!

 
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Posted by on June 21, 2010 in Family, Personal, Thoughts

 

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Sisters, meh.

Foolishly at times I still want the gathered around the piano singing sisters (figuratively) when the Joe/Amy pulling each others’ hair out/burning the manuscript sisters is what we’re always going to be destined for.

I’m mad at myself for not just calling my sister number one out on her most recent clueless, flaky, self-centered behavior, as it would’ve been the right thing to do.  But we just don’t have that kind of relationship and much like a young child or puppy once the moment is gone she’d never even remember the incident.  Until the next one rolls along.

I know I shouldn’t take it personally, and won’t in the future, it’s just how she is.  But I also don’t have to be “sisterly” with nothing coming my way in return.  Every contact is one-sided, texting me to pass on a message from our mother does not count, heh.  The part of me that just accepts it, knows it is a learned behavior – my mom didn’t have sisters or sister-in-laws that lasted and doesn’t really have more than acquaintances or “church friends” and doesn’t instill that value in her girls.  I’m the oddity that’s always preaching the gospel of best girlfriends.

However, I’m thankful to be surrounded by great women than uplift me, encourage me, entertain me and accept me.  “And that’s all I need”.

 
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Posted by on March 3, 2010 in Family, Personal, Thoughts

 

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Ancestry nerds, let me hear you

Probably not many blog hopping

I had the choice between repeats and the olympics last night and was so excited to flip through in time to catch Faces of America on PBS.  They’re not so great at promos that actually say when things are on, actually started last week though I swear I’ve trying to watch for it.

“What made America? What makes us? These two questions are at the heart of the new PBS series Faces of America with Henry Louis Gates, Jr. The Harvard scholar turns to the latest tools of genealogy and genetics to explore the family histories of 12 renowned Americans.”

I couldn’t help but be absorbed into the family stories of strangers (er, celebrities), two of whom had family from two places that give me very much trouble with my own tree: Syria and Ireland.  Frustrating as it is, agree with the documentary that so much of the immigrant’s life just wasn’t documented prior to departure if at all.  I am too spoiled living the technological world, expecting everything to be scanned, catalogued, and at my fingertips as long as I can come up with the correct search.

It’s such a thrill to find bits and pieces of a family branch or someone’s life.  It’s always interesting to see what matches the information I know and how it often is far different than the family stories.  And to take it one nerdy step further, can’t wait to fill out my first census this year, despite my grandparents preaching about how the government wants to invade our privacy further.   

Normally I’d agree, but the old censuses have been incredible resources to piece together at least each decade of a family.  I suppose I’m hoping I’ll produce someone down the line that will treasure history the same way!

 
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Posted by on February 18, 2010 in Blogs, Family, Random

 

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Caught in the Middle

Before heading to my grandparents’ Braiden asked me if my aunt would be there for dinner.  When I asked why he simply said, ‘she’s fun’.  I wasn’t sure but it seems like she just “shows up” when we’re there for dinner a lot in the past months.  My grandparents have never given up on trying to put us in the same room for any occasion since I cut her out of my life years ago.  I’ve softened, feeling bad at the position I put them in – they’re older and just want their family together.  And frankly she adds conversation to the awkwardness of any gathering that includes my deadbeat dad who keeps utter silence unless it’s about sports. 

My aunt didn’t come to dinner that day but did call and ask if she could take B to the circus this weekend.  I just said I wasn’t sure our schedule and made no mention of it to him.  It’s only natural for him to like being around her, she was always my favorite person too – my aunt but my best friend, big sister/mom at times.  I always had fun with her.  But all that went away, and sometimes I’m very sad to not have a real aunt anymore.  The others I have I see only for holidays or we have never had a real relationship.  As a mother, I feel bad that I can’t let him have that relationship with her but I don’t know that it will ever feel right.

 
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Posted by on January 20, 2010 in Family, Personal

 

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The Baby

My mom paid me an unintentional compliment, how much my baby sister is like me.  Our temperments, interests, two calming presences.

Lately things have been rough on the homefront.  Gone are the arguments about getting a bath, bedtime or cleaning up a room til it’s actually clean.  They’ve been replaced with frustrating battles over homework, doing even the simplest things when asked, respecting decisions I make, accepting a “no”.  I’ve felt stunned by hearing my child spew out “I don’t have to listen to you” “I can do what I want” and the like.  I have to stop a laugh, sure it’s a joke – my kid is not teenager.

We’ve had so many more bad than good days.  I’ve eaten many suppers alone, taken many things away.  Spent so many days crying, feeling like a fraud that I could take care of other children with some ease.  Though I can’t even seem to instill any respect in my own child or the list of other things.

Feeling like an inadequate mess barely wanting to confide in others.  I feel bested by the strong willed argumentative nature of a child that is his father’s son.  His grandparents and aunt understand a bit more and still praise my tenacity at keeping at hime.  Trying to encourage his good behavior, strengths, creative side, teaching him the importance of apologizing and honest prayers.

Things I don’t even see myself doing anymore – my feelings of struggle and failure overshadowing everything else.  Those seeds of doubt sprouting up that I shouldn’t have been his mother at all, should of listened to the family pressure to find him a home with two parents that were more equipped for this. Painful to admit.

As I watch B and E playing Legos for hours, laughing and talking, oblivious to the conversation in the next room.  I felt the usual twinge of happiness at seeing the besties in action.  And saw how well they fit.  It works, whether it’s a knockdown drag-out wrestling match or playing endlessly, their personalities are well suited.  She’s a me and he’s better with her that anyone else.

Just as B was meant to be my opposite.  For whatever reason, God intended him to be my greatest joy and pain. *sigh*

 
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Posted by on December 14, 2009 in Family, Personal

 

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“He’s the one that missed out.”

I haven’t talked to Braiden about his dad in honestly probably a year and half?  Maybe more.  Other than a random thing about something they like in common and when he inherited his dad’s old G.I. Joes.  I used to try to but I really know nothing of his life the last couple years and not sure what were supposed to say about him.  His grandma asked if I’d told him about his dad’s marriage, besides my puzzled look I said no – “you have a new mommy, B!”.   What would I say about strangers?

I’m equally irritated with both the CW and now ABC for changing around their late night schedule – no Sex and the City reruns now no Scrubs reruns after Jimmy Kimmel.  What’s an insomniac to do?  Watch televangelists.  I often sit in a daze at the weird stuff that is broadcast on the couple of Christian channels we get.  Thinking of all the good movies, talk show premises, music options out there that could be used.  But a woman being interviewed really caught my attention as I was passing through.  She spoke of meeting her dad only once as an adult and realizing he was the one that missed out on knowing her, not the other way around.  A lot more good stuff but I think that is my starting point.

Sometimes I forget that the rejection doesn’t go away if we just don’t talk about it.  Hey, a mom can wish.

 
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Posted by on September 25, 2009 in Family, Personal, Thoughts

 

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