(Wow is there a LOT of Hello Kitty sh*t out there.) It’s been a long time! But as usual I’ve missed rambling. Spring has come to our home finally – warmish weather, our flowers sprouting up, and kids making messes outside ’til dark.
Category Archives: Thoughts
The irony of spending Father’s Day with Matt’s family wasn’t lost on me. Especially when he called as we were sitting around visiting. High fives for not forgetting your dad though. The power of mother’s intuition is strong as just when I was going to holler for Braiden to get the ringing phone that no one could get to I froze, knowing exactly who it would be. Freak out on my part averted heh. He did not however, want to speak to B – due to calling from work (double five). I would’ve suggested that over my dead body but his mom is a kind soul. Really believing previous conversations and “what should I say”s as fact not fantasy. It is always heartbreaking to see her deflated by this stuff – I’d rather talk about colonoscopies but I know she needs to and I guess with me because I’ll understand. They all do, apparently the statute of limitations on me not being able to utter his name has ran out and it’s a free for all to discuss with me. Sure I do understand without you having to “explain”, but I don’t want to remember, y’all.
But I digress…It was a really wonderful weekend, spent with all our family really with several different functions. Little MK had no trouble digging into her gifts at her 2nd party, what a girl! She gave both her brother and grandpa (neat freaks) a fit digging into her cake – up the nose and all. No asking for a fork like her brother!
Ending such a busy weekend sitting outside on the back steps watching the kids run and play (and scrape the knees, be covered in grass stains…) was a perfect cap. Why can’t they all be like that!
A couple days after being totally disappointed by sucky people, so eloquent I know, I’m excited by new possibilities. The lesson I should learn is to ask for what I really want and I just might get it, after advertising for *exactly* what I really wanted – I got the perfect call. No settling, no ‘this would help’ or ‘work for now’.
That kind of thinking is just not my strong suit – I’m good at making due, not so much at making strides. Unfortunately, there isn’t someone to hit me over the head immediately when I’m being stupid!
Last summer if felt like my internal world was cracking, though it had been building since about a year ago. I’m pretty good at keeping the plates spinning most the time but I must’ve let one fall as my grandparents seemed to be concerned at a family gathering in May. I thought they were being their usual grandparenty selves ha. Though they treaded lightly, looking back I appreciate them making the effort to a say a few things over the next months. And maybe I’ll figure out how to officially say thanks.
Looking back a bit further, I’m able to see now just how much I was affected by being booted out the door of a job I held, and hated, for so much of my adult life.
That miserable going-no-where job was the one thing keeping me together through every parenting self-doubt, financial woe, up all night crying boyfriend fight, frustration or disappointment. It was my spouse – no matter what mess I went home to – in the morning I had constistency & stability. And sure, boredom. Being the boss’ daughter I had no choice but to try to always be agreeable, do more than my share, never call in sick. And though I hated it and daydreamed of leaving triumphantly while I spend the day sending out resumes ha, how could I leave?
And while I’m thankful for a way to leave what I’ve now described as the Ike Turner of jobs, no matter how much I have a desire to make my own way – I’m missing the constant. I guess I couldn’t be married to my job forever.
Foolishly at times I still want the gathered around the piano singing sisters (figuratively) when the Joe/Amy pulling each others’ hair out/burning the manuscript sisters is what we’re always going to be destined for.
I’m mad at myself for not just calling my sister number one out on her most recent clueless, flaky, self-centered behavior, as it would’ve been the right thing to do. But we just don’t have that kind of relationship and much like a young child or puppy once the moment is gone she’d never even remember the incident. Until the next one rolls along.
I know I shouldn’t take it personally, and won’t in the future, it’s just how she is. But I also don’t have to be “sisterly” with nothing coming my way in return. Every contact is one-sided, texting me to pass on a message from our mother does not count, heh. The part of me that just accepts it, knows it is a learned behavior – my mom didn’t have sisters or sister-in-laws that lasted and doesn’t really have more than acquaintances or “church friends” and doesn’t instill that value in her girls. I’m the oddity that’s always preaching the gospel of best girlfriends.
However, I’m thankful to be surrounded by great women than uplift me, encourage me, entertain me and accept me. “And that’s all I need”.
I was told B is not reading at the right level for the mid-year review. Which alone makes me laugh since they literally test the kids each week in ISTEP format. Feel like it’s always something, and it’s always falling back on me and what I’m not doing enough of or well enough. We’ve spent so much time working on math and now it’s reading. If I wasn’t totally meh on the subject, he would be an ideal candidate for homeschooling. I think he could focus better and learn a whole lot more in 2 hours than in the 7 he’s at school. It doesn’t help that his teacher doesn’t really seem to connect – it made such a difference last year with an awesome teacher, this year no such luck.
So much to his disappointment, we had to add reading comprehension work to our evening repetoir. At least this I can do, I’m dreading the work getting harder. Sometimes I have no clue what he’s supposed to do on worksheets as it is. *weaving a figurative noose*
It’s such a funny, surprising comfort to run across an old friend. Someone you never thought you’d cross paths with, no matter how often you Googled them or talked to other old friends who said the same thing.
Then pop, they are there. I’m so happy to hear my first best friend is making the best of and thriving in a new life, immensely different from how she grew up. So very proud of her making her own way.
Thrilled that we can revive our shared birthday, minus the cafeteria cupcakes, and peek into each others’ lives again.