Tag Archives: Personal

The second decade

Ten years later, I’m so glad I got what I wanted – boys are foreign but hilarious creatures.

“I knew you liked that song mom, I look at your internet history too.” quite matter-of-factly. Good to know, though mine is decidedly more boring and without the Google searches for Megan Fox & Britney. Although he can’t see them in their birthday suits, lucky for him most times they’re barely dressed in every day life.

I also received a pat on the back tonight & a “good girl” for speaking his language, with something I said – what? who knows. I only miss his generation by a year so I think this happens more often than he likes to admit. I am fairly cool & knowledgeable.

I’m hoping to drag out the laughter as long as possible and keep my sense of humor, when I get a glimpse of broody teen boy it’s too much. One year at a time…ten is okay…so far <knocking on wood, crossing all appendages>.

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Posted by on April 17, 2011 in Uncategorized


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(Wow is there a LOT of Hello Kitty sh*t out there.) It’s been a long time!  But as usual I’ve missed rambling. Spring has come to our home finally – warmish weather, our flowers sprouting up, and kids making messes outside ’til dark.

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Posted by on April 12, 2011 in Personal, Thoughts


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Lofty Goals

I’ve only crossed off one goal off of my life list in the last couple years.  Think I may be going about this the wrong way *snort* Maybe I need to substitute serious things with items I can actually cross off.  Lowering standards a bit for the sake of my self esteem – yes. 

Even better – take down the stupid list from where I have to see it!

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Posted by on June 10, 2010 in Personal, Random


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Hind Sight

If only I saw a therapist, I could probably have my issues ‘fixed’ by now.  Stop laughing, maybe I could’ve

Last summer if felt like my internal world was cracking, though it had been building since about a year ago.  I’m pretty good at keeping the plates spinning most the time but I must’ve let one fall as my grandparents seemed to be concerned at a family gathering in May.  I thought they were being their usual grandparenty selves ha.  Though they treaded lightly, looking back I appreciate them making the effort to a say a few things over the next months.  And maybe I’ll figure out how to officially say thanks.

Looking back a bit further, I’m able to see now just how much I was affected by being booted out the door of a job I held, and hated, for so much of my adult life.

That miserable going-no-where job was the one thing keeping me together through every parenting self-doubt, financial woe, up all night crying boyfriend fight, frustration or disappointment.  It was my spouse – no matter what mess I went home to – in the morning I had constistency & stability.  And sure, boredom.  Being the boss’ daughter I had no choice but to try to always be agreeable, do more than my share, never call in sick.  And though I hated it and daydreamed of leaving triumphantly while I spend the day sending out resumes ha, how could I leave?

And while I’m thankful for a way to leave what I’ve now described as the Ike Turner of jobs, no matter how much I have a desire to make my own way – I’m missing the constant.  I guess I couldn’t be married to my job forever.


Posted by on March 6, 2010 in Personal, Thoughts


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I spoke too soon.

I was told B is not reading at the right level for the mid-year review.  Which alone makes me laugh since they literally test the kids each week in ISTEP format.  Feel like it’s always something, and it’s always falling back on me and what I’m not doing enough of or well enough.  We’ve spent so much time working on math and now it’s reading.  If I wasn’t totally meh on the subject, he would be an ideal candidate for homeschooling. I think he could focus better and learn a whole lot more in 2 hours than in the 7 he’s at school.  It doesn’t help that his teacher doesn’t really seem to connect – it made such a difference last year with an awesome teacher, this year no such luck.

So much to his disappointment, we had to add reading comprehension work to our evening repetoir.  At least this I can do, I’m dreading the work getting harder.  Sometimes I have no clue what he’s supposed to do on worksheets as it is.  *weaving a figurative noose*

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Posted by on February 2, 2010 in Personal, Thoughts


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Caught in the Middle

Before heading to my grandparents’ Braiden asked me if my aunt would be there for dinner.  When I asked why he simply said, ‘she’s fun’.  I wasn’t sure but it seems like she just “shows up” when we’re there for dinner a lot in the past months.  My grandparents have never given up on trying to put us in the same room for any occasion since I cut her out of my life years ago.  I’ve softened, feeling bad at the position I put them in – they’re older and just want their family together.  And frankly she adds conversation to the awkwardness of any gathering that includes my deadbeat dad who keeps utter silence unless it’s about sports. 

My aunt didn’t come to dinner that day but did call and ask if she could take B to the circus this weekend.  I just said I wasn’t sure our schedule and made no mention of it to him.  It’s only natural for him to like being around her, she was always my favorite person too – my aunt but my best friend, big sister/mom at times.  I always had fun with her.  But all that went away, and sometimes I’m very sad to not have a real aunt anymore.  The others I have I see only for holidays or we have never had a real relationship.  As a mother, I feel bad that I can’t let him have that relationship with her but I don’t know that it will ever feel right.

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Posted by on January 20, 2010 in Family, Personal


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It’s 20 days into a new year and I’m already behind on adding some posts. I’m determinded to keep up this year, I don’t want to say it’s a resolution since those are always set up for failure but maybe more of a goal

I love the newness (is that a real word, looks so weird?) of the year.  Feeling like it’s not impossible to do things you want to do, meet your goals, get back into things you’ve put off or ignored, have things to look forward to…Don’t come and spoil it spring, I still have time!

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Posted by on January 19, 2010 in Personal


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